III: Real Women Survive

A real woman…does not keep her mouth shut. – Karrine Steffans

I’m not a real woman at 12 years old. At times I don’t feel like a real woman at 21 years old. What does a real woman do? Like Karrine Steffans, a real woman protects herself.

I did what I needed to survive. I found ways to put a stop to people hurting me, ways to sleep under a blanket and find food. I don’t know if what I did was right or wrong anymore. Is it right to let people hurt you or is it wrong to perform sexual acts for them so that they don’t hurt you? When you have no better choice than to let yourself be hurt, is it really wrong?


I stretch my arms over my head, arching my back and revel in the feeling of the soft white linen moving with me. I snuggle my head back into the down-filled pillow and stare at the ceiling. Sunlight pours through the open balcony doors; sheer white curtains drift lazily in the breeze. Car horns and traffic sounds find their way over the balcony and lull about the hotel room. I slip from the tall bed and wiggle my toes into the plush rug as the lace hem of my nightie swishes about my thighs. I turn and look at the man laying on the other side of the bed, sprawled on his stomach and smiling as he watches me let my hair from my ponytail.

I blush as his eyes drift over me. He’s a good client; intelligent and charming, gentle throughout each visit. We talk about his work as a sales executive and his passion for architecture. I would sit and listen while we ate dinner at the Forks or drove down the highway with the top down. Whatever we did, there always seemed to be a breeze. I remember that most – the only times I would ever sweat in his presence was when we were tangled in the sheets.

Two hours later, I lean against the rail of the balcony and look over the expanse of the city. My white mini-skirt swishes in the wind, and my lacy tank top presses to my chest. I pull my hair into pigtails and straighten, pursing my ruddied lips together and clearing my mind for a moment.

“Elle? Sweetheart?” He steps into the doorway, sunlight shining off of his dark brown curls.

I smile sweetly, “Yes, daddy?”

“Come be a good girl,” He opens his arms and folds them around me as I step into his embrace. His chest muscles tighten deliciously against me.

He leads me into the living room for another session. I empty myself and become my client’s daughter.


Every man has a fantasy. Acting out those fantasies are part of what helped me get through things. You learn to look past taboos and play the role of someone performing actions that are against the norm. You become the daughter loving her father, her brother. The mother taking care of her son or daughter. You’re the girl who begs to have it rough and make yourself hate it the entire time – one of the easiest roles to slip into, because you really do hate it. You give him what he wants, to the best of your abilities. Should you fail, you attempt again. You become creative and test the water in other areas until you find the one deep, dark, secret fantasy that he will never convince himself to say. Drawing these desires out of your clients becomes an art; one that you weave with bedroom eyes, soft touches, and a sensual voice.

Every man has a fantasy. Some are worse than others, and you deal with it.

Real women do not keep their mouths shut. Real women say what they need to, and then they survive.

  1. […] HomeThe StoryPart II: The BeginningII: PrologueIII: As It HappensIV: There’s a First Time for EverythingV: “A Year Goes By…And I Can’t Talk About It.”VI: We Were the Lucky OnesVII: To Know a RegretVIII: TomorrowsIX: When The Sky RainsX: Minor CatastrophiesPart III: Breaking ObedienceII: Only Lonely LastsIII: Real Women SurviveThe ProjectAbout ElleContactYour StorySecretsKay FullerGrowing UpChapter 1Chapter 2Chapter 3UntitledChapter 1: BeginningJacky’s StoryChapter 1: The Beginning of It AllChapter 2: Time for ChangeChapter 3: Summer NightmareChapter 4: Why?Chapter 5: Marriage, Graduation & PregnantMichael PrincipPart IChapter 1Chapter 2: Frankenstein and the Chow LineChapter 3: Rec Yard BluesChapter 4: What Do You Call a White Supremacist?Chapter 5: LockdownChapter 6: Saber RattlingChapter 7: The CockroachChapter 8: Cookie of the WeekChapter 9: BettinaChapter 10: Don the CrackheadPart IIChapter 11: Jack the SnitchChapter 12: Killing LonelinessChapter 13: James and BradleyChapter 14: SolidarityChapter 15: UnafraidChapter 16: The NewsChapter 17: Timmy and the Burn GameChapter 18: KarmaChapter 19: The CarChapter 20: AtonementPart IIIChapter 21: Morning Wood – Part IScarletTSOE Street Team […]

  2. GEO says:

    true statement

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