II: Only Lonely Lasts

I met Dee when I was fourteen during a summer internship. I was working with horses at the time; she was working in the cafe on the grounds. My brother, Brandon, fell for her within days of meeting, and they quickly became an official couple. They were perfect together. Tall, dark-haired, tanned Brandon with the beautiful, rich voiced red-head girlfriend whose pale skin and freckles made her as sweet in appearance as she was as a person.

Later in the year, Annabelle and I went to visit Dee for two weeks. This is where I met Michael, her brother – two and a half years into my experiences with living downtown for periods of time, ‘parties,’ and Cheryl. I hadn’t let anyone hug me during that period of time, let alone show any other form of affection that couldn’t be mistaken as sexual, other than Cheryl and Dee – Dee had hugged me twice by then.

Michael had a speaking voice that calmed me when I was anxious. He was fit, with wide shoulders and t-shirts that strained to keep his arms in. He had a way of accepting things as they were, and he was the first male that I’d hugged in years. I trusted him.

One night, Annabelle was asleep in Dee’s room, and Dee was sprawled out on Michael’s bed. Michael and I were still up, talking about anything. The headboard was against the wall opposite the bedroom door, Dee was sprawled across the right side nearest the closest, I was perched on the left side near the headboard, and Michael was sitting near the footboard. Somehow we ended up sitting right next to each other.

A 1/4″ cable for his bass guitar came out. I’d told him that I could get out of things easily, so he tied me up. I struggled with the cable and he offered to untie me. I leaned back across his lap, and I ended up with my lips pressed against his. Later, I lingered in his doorway after Dee had woken and moved to her bedroom. He said that we shouldn’t do anything like that again. I agreed. I was by far out of legal age range and could easily put him in trouble.

It didn’t stop, though. I craved the feeling of having someone protective near me, of waking up before everyone else and quietly talking in the pool while the sun rose. I loved that he could simply sit and talk to me without expecting me to get on my knees and open my mouth.

We kept things quiet. Little moments here and there throughout the day; moments that I would sit and think about years later.


I open my eyes and find myself facing the back of Dee’s head, curled up on my side. Annabelle is asleep in Dee’s room, and Michael is asleep behind me. I sigh and press back into Michael’s chest. His arm slides around my stomach, pulling me a little closer to him.

I breathe.

Dee moans and turns over, facing me. Michael freezes and I smile at Dee as she groggily opens her eyes. She smiles back and slowly shuts her eyes again, dozing. I turn and face Michael, ready to follow Dee’s example. I stiffen, unprepared, when his finger slides down my cheek. Anxious at the unexpected touch, I turn away and face Dee again, only to find myself staring straight into her saucer-sized eyes. Her face is pale, except for the angry flush across her freckled cheeks.

Michael sits up and swings his legs over the edge of the bed. I hear his feet gently meet the floor, then count his footsteps as he walks into the bathroom.

Dee puts her finger to her lips and whispers, “It’s okay. I won’t let him do that to you. Are you okay?”

I nod, unsure of what to say.

Minutes later, Michael slips back under the covers, and then all I hear is Dee’s angry voice. She snaps up, reaching over me to repeatedly pound her fists against Michael. He sits up, blocking her blows and jumps off the bed.

All I remember Dee saying is, “Don’t you dare touch her again!”

I curl up into a ball on my left side, watching as she runs out of the room with Michael at her heels, begging to explain.

My heart sinks, and I prepare myself to be alone again.

  1. […] the CrackheadPart IIChapter 11: Jack the SnitchChapter 12: Killing LonelinessII: Only Lonely LastsChapter 13: James and BradleyChapter 14: SolidarityChapter […]

  2. GEO says:

    see their are good souls out their

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