Chapter 24: The Circle

I have only engaged in group sex once, and I was coerced. I was at James’ house with my girlfriend from out of town. I should have known that she had a thing for him from the beginning, by the way she looked at him. We were together for three months before she started telling me about dreams involving her and James messing around. When she would notice my face getting the jealous look, she would quickly add that in the dream, I entered the room and took over. At first it upset me, but she told me that a dream is just that.

Fast forward. Winter. A burning truck. The three of us speeding back to James’ house in the night. Alcohol, followed by Quake3. I had to piss. They were ignoring me again, sitting on his bed, talking quietly as I left. I stumbled into the bathroom, tried to wash the diesel off of my hands. I sometimes still smell it on them. Aiming unsteadily, I watched as the lazy yellow stream arced into the bowl. Drained, I washed my hands a fifth time and left for the room. There were bots to frag by God. As I opened the door, they both jumped up from the bed as if caught.

She said she needed to talk to me about something important. Told me it was a big fantasy to have a threesome, and that it would be the best thing to end our night of crime.

Cold stare. A death stare.

I was angry at first, because I felt that she should have first discussed it with me, instead of the guy she wanted to bring in. I told them both to go fuck themselves, and turned to walk the ten miles to my house. James stopped me, told me I was being stupid for getting angry about it. They cornered me, both begging for me to agree. I gave in under the condition that the relationship would be over, and they find someone for me.

She readily agreed.

Thinking I would finally be away from both of them, I went down the list of phone numbers I had with absolutely no luck. James suggested a girl named Amber. I knew her from high school, she was a year or two younger than I was. Tall, redheaded and about two hundred sixty pounds. I am not interested in large women, but this was not the first time that I had to accept being with someone that James had introduced me to. I was upset because nobody I asked would agree, but Amber who blatantly stated her crush on James several times, jumped at the chance.

In the boxcar, James began laying down the rules. The lights had to be off. We were to begin having sex, I with my girlfriend, he with Amber. We had separate couches across the room. I was not allowed to look at them. When James called to switch I would have to switch partners. “Whatever I have to do to get out of this.” I told them. Amber just made doe eyes at James.

There was little light to see by, but I knew that she had her eyes glued to James. I felt disgusted with myself. After only a few minutes, James called the switch. With Amber, I kept my eyes shut until it was all over. On the way home, James was already talking about the next session. More rules. “The Circle” was what he called it. We were not supposed to be with anyone outside the circle. We could only mess around with other members of the circle if James was informed, and I was NOT to end the relationship with my girlfriend.

I told James that I wasn’t interested in our friendship if he gets to control who I fuck. He was angry that I was so quickly willing to “throw away” what he had created. He refused to take me to the house, taking the backloads until I agreed. James was always right after all.

The next day at the boxcar, it seemed as if nothing had happened. We were shooting my new nine-millimeter High Point pistol that my father had given me as an enlistment gift. A parabellum round will do an interesting thing to a brick placed on a fence pole. We went to the boxcar for more ammunition and drinks. I switched to the AK, then went back to the shooting area and reset the bricks. It was then that I realized I was alone. Walking quietly to the boxcar, the sounds of fucking.

Visions of 7.62 rounds ripping through the both of them. I returned to the range and began shooting rapid fire. I noticed them walking back my way. This was how it was supposed to be, I was told. They said that since I had agreed to the circle, I had no reason to be jealous. I told them that I wanted out once again, but they convinced me to stay. After I agreed to not leave the circle, James brought me home, then told me he was driving my girlfriend to her house, three hours away.

Laying in bed hating myself. Through tears, I put my pistol to my head and wished for the courage. I wished for the strength to pull the three pounds required to send the firing pin into the primer, causing the 115.0 grain bullet to penetrate my skull at fifteen hundred feet per second. I wouldn’t even have heard the gun go off before I was dead. I thought of my family coming into my room to see the mess. I imagined them crying.

I screamed in disgust hit myself in the temple about five times with the pistol and threw the gun as hard as I could. A light. Quick steps towards my room. Dad asking if I was okay. I lied about a cockroach crawling across my face while I was sleeping, a common occurrence in my house growing up. He told me to stop being a pussy and went back to bed.

I cried myself to sleep, wishing I knew who I was, knowing that my girlfriend and James were somewhere fucking, and I had agreed to it.

She was sitting on the couch in the boxcar, where we had just got done fucking.

“Michael, you are mine now,” she said with James’ voice. She told me that we would be together for eternity, and that there was no way out. Even in death she said as she stood and began walking slowly towards me. I saw her forehead expand grotesquely as her skin stretched across her expanding face. Her eyes grew larger, her skin began splitting and falling away, instantly turning to ash as it hit the ground as she grinned at me madly.

I was immobilized, watching the transformation in horror. What had once been a person that I had laughed with and spent hours on the phone talking about nothing, was now an emaciated skeletal form with an enormous cartoon like skull. It began laughing at me. I felt sanity slip

I woke up screaming.

Fans. A white cinderblock wall, lumpy mattress, cold metal bunk with Orion looking down at me. I remembered where I was, and was never gladder to be in the unit. Sweet looking down at me from above, asking if I was okay.

Told him it was just an old dream. I explained the circle to him, and the connections it had with the crimes. Told him how after Officer Friendly interrogated my co-defendants and found out about the circle, he had repeatedly pulled me out of my cell to drag the sordid details out of me. After five interviews, he stopped even asking about unreported crimes I may have committed, and would just focus on the teenage sex aspect. Once I noticed him touching himself through his pants as I told the same story for the umpteenth time. It was not part of my case, but it was leaked to the town and soon became the newest scandal.

I got out of my bunk, and walked across the dorm to the shower. Letting the lukewarm water cascade off my body, I cried again and wished for death.

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