Chapter 12: Killing Loneliness

Loneliness is is like a slowly decaying tooth.

At first it isn’t so bad. A slight twinge. You think of other things.

Chess was refuge. Books were refuge. We would play fantasy games to get away.

My second in command, Gary, looked like Rick Morranis on crack. His wife, who worked in a lesbian strip club, had arranged an LSD deal with a new regular. Gary was worried that the regular was an undercover officer and volunteered to do the deal. Gary was right.

He was an odd person. He was into music, and it showed on his skin. He had a Dead Kennedy’s tattoo on one arm, and an Insane Clown Posse face on the other. His entire back was covered in a Sublime logo.

He introduced me to Vonnegut, taught us how to play D&D, and was there with me until the day I got out. We would play that game for hours in our own little fantasy world. Gary would create the games and act as DM. We would horribly bastardize it. Since each player had a low moral character to begin with, the game usually progressed into a melee of raping and pillaging. Of each other. This used to exasperate him.

Since Gary knew the game so well, he was our rulebook. Quite a few times we woke him up to decide on a play. He would usually rule in the favor of the party whom did not wake him up.

“Fuck you guys! I hate this game!” he would say, then roll back over.

After Gary quit the game, it only got more demented.

I would usually play with the EME spokesman, two Woods from Balcones Heights, and this guy named Rambo.
Rambo was an Italian from Jersey who ran with the Woods.

Rambo was full of shit.

Remember the new space engine that ran on photons? He apparently had the idea with some physicist friends over some beers and drew the design on a napkin. When he was in Special Forces he strangled an alligator. Once, he lifted a wrecked car off of someone after a wreck.

Like I said, Rambo was full of shit.

He was so funny that nobody cared. We all just played along.

We had a party in the dorm one day. Apple, one of the black inmates, was singing a rap song in front of his TV, while his friend played the beat on the metal bench. After a while it sounded so good that everyone stopped what they were doing and listened. Another guy went up to the front and tried. Next thing I knew, I was being called.

They wanted me to go in front of the bench. I looked at their spokesman, Sid. He motioned me towards the front.
All eyes were on me once again. I told Apple the chorus of something I had thought up on the spot, and told him when to jump in with it. The beat started. They stared.
 When I was ready, I let fly.

I recently found the lyrics.

Get with the rhythm of the life! – Yelled four times.
Do or die.
Seek and you will find.
A twisted tale of hate and lies.
Is this life, you tell me.
Open your eyes and you shall see.
What is this? What is that?
I don’t know but I don’t like that, thing that people call hate.
It gets me pissed and and makes me irate, I can’t hold it in and I gotta say!
Get with the rhythm of the life! – Yelled four times.
Is there a reason to the rhyme?
Is there an end to the crime?
Is there a war to stop the hate?
Is there a war to stop the pain?
Is peace possible on this earth?
Let me tell you how to end this hurt!
Get with the rhythm of the life! – Yelled four times.

At this point the entire dorm was jumping, banging on lockers, tables and the windows, screaming the chorus over and over. I couldn’t even hear myself, but I just kept going. Rambo was doing the worm up and down the floor while a EME break danced. Toilet paper rolls flew.

It was surreal.

At one point I was just screaming random syllables to the beat because it had gone so far into the realms of insanity that I was trying to keep it there for as long as I could. Nobody even cared, they just kept on going crazy with it.
It was a defining moment.

The guards came, in full riot gear.

We lined up for count. The major was asking us what the hell we had been doing and why. We told him. Someone pointed me out. He called me to the front of the dorm. He took my id. Threatened to write me up if I drew on it again, and asked if the dorm was lying.

“No sir, it was me.”

He called me a liar. He yelled . “PROOVE IT”

So I did.

The entire dorm erupted again, he had to bang his nightstick on a metal table to shut us up.

The major said that if he caught me attempting to incite a riot again he would put me in AD-SEG for the rest of my time.
A riot.

I thanked him for the compliment- loudly. They dorm laughed. The major called lights out and left.
In my bunk, I could hear people quietly singing the chorus to themselves.

I looked over at Orion in the window.

I felt like I was at home. For the first time in my life I truly felt accepted by the people around me. I laughed until tears came, then I sobbed quietly to sleep, because it was true.

  1. I’m grateful for you because of this excellent content material. You genuinely did make my day :

  2. Joshua Kincaid says:

    impressive to say the least, D&D wow i though about it played in a lot cant forget the 20 die!

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