Chapter 3: Summer Nightmare

A decade has gone by, and I still can’t get this out of my head. It was the summer of 2000. My life was about to change forever.

Daddy met me at the airport when I flew in from Dallas to Houston. He was alone this time. No girlfriend by his side, just me and him. I was so excited to get to spend some time alone with my Dad. I hadn’t seen him in over two years. I ran up to him and gave him a hug and kiss on the cheek. Everything was going well.

I had left my new boyfriend, Jorge, back home in Dallas, and we stayed in touch over the phone. We had been dating a few months before I left. He wasn’t a very good guy. He was the bad boy type, which seemed to be the type of guy I would always choose. He was five years older than me. We met at his work. I had gone there to fill out an application, and he saw me come in. He got my number from application and called me. He said that they were having a party at the restaurant, so he invited me and my friend Jaden. When we got there, it was just him and his friend – just a hoax to get us to go over there. We felt sort of stupid and started to leave, but they offered us drinks, so we decided to stay. We started drinking and smoking, and then they suggested we should go somewhere. So we hopped in the car and left. I was under the impression we were going to a club. I had gone many times before. At my height, I could pass for at least 18. I noticed we were pulling into a motel parking lot, and I started to get nervous. I was a little mad that they had brought us there. I mean, who did they think we were?  We obviously weren’t prostitutes, but there we were in prostitute alley. Jaden was a little apprehensive with the situation, but she went along with it anyway. A part of me felt stuck in the situation. I have never been very good at standing up for myself. I didn’t want to tell them to take me home, because we were already there. I didn’t know them, and I didn’t want to see what would happen if I refused. A part of me was curious and just didn’t care. That was the rebellious side of me.

Jorge was pretty cute. He had rich, dark brown skin and eyes, black hair and a built, athletic body.  He knew just how to romance me, and I was drawn to his thick Mexican accent and heritage. He spoke only a little English, so communicating was quite a challenge. He was shorter than me, but I was used to that. I took a chance, and Jorge got us a room while Jaden got a room with the other guy. I still remember what I was wearing that night. I was in white wind pants, a skin-tight, white tank top, black flip flops, white bra and white thong. This would be the first time I actually gave myself away. It was our decision, and he didn’t force anything on me. I was surprised that, when we were done, he just laid there beside me, and we talked. I was used to being used and, when things were over, being left there alone. This time was different, and I immediately fell for him. We were just friends with benefits at first. Then he asked me to be his girlfriend, and I said yes. He introduced me to things I never knew. I smoked pot for the first time with him and tried cocaine. I was never interested in being a heavy user. I was just curious and wanted to try it out to see how it made me feel. Once was enough. I knew he wasn’t a good guy, but it was too late because I was in love.

Me and Jorge were constantly fighting and it always seemed to be over something he did. We had agreed not to date other people and he failed to keep that promise. I would spend weekends trying to figure out where he was at, who he was with, and what he was doing. I realized early on that Jorge had a drinking problem that needed to be resolved. When he was drinking he would get violently abusive and would hit anyone in his path. He was very controlling. He told me where I could go, what I could do, and who I could hang out with. He expected to do whatever he wanted while I played his puppet. I knew that this kind of relationship wasn’t healthy but I felt stuck.

I wasn’t too upset about leaving him to go see my Dad. I thought if I could just get away for a while, maybe I could get over him. It still wasn’t definite if this would be a move or just a visit to my Dad’s. I knew Jorge wasn’t good for me, and the move to my Dad’s was an opportunity for my way out!

My Dad immediately began to spoil me. He took me shopping and bought me whatever I wanted, to get my navel pierced, and then to the movies. We had plans to go to the beach. He promised me a car. Everything was just like a dream. All my Dad’s attention was on me only, for once in my life. It all makes sense now. He was setting his trap, and he had me right where he wanted me. His next step was to take me drinking. As a rebellious teenage girl, of course I didn’t mind. I thought it was pretty cool that my Dad would let me drink. I had two beers and didn’t pay attention to what all my Dad had to drink. We played shuffleboard and pool and had a good time. He decided it was time to go. I was a little worried about him driving, but he said he was fine. I believed him because he looked fine too. Our first stop was at the liquor store, where he bought more drinks for me and for him. Then, we rented some movies and headed home. We got home around 9:00 p.m. It was already dark out. We left the drinks in the kitchen and went to the master bedroom to watch the movies. I didn’t think anything of it because he had the biggest TV and the only DVD player in the house. I fell asleep  while watching the movie.

I woke up to Daddy holding my waist. A strange feeling swept over me, but I ignored it. He was my father and I trusted him. At first I thought he was just trying to cuddle, that he was asleep and confusing me for someone else. When he grabbed my breast, I knew something was wrong. I tried to think of how to get away, but fear had me paralyzed. My father is a big man. He is taller, heavier, and much stronger than I. His hands were still holding my waist tight. I thought, “If only I could pretend to still be asleep, maybe he would stop”. Cries in my head, “Please God make him stop!”. He didn’t stop. All the while, my mind racing. It was obvious he wasn’t stopping, so I tried to pull away. His grip on me became stronger. I didn’t know what to say or do. I was terrified. Praying to God again, “Please God, let it all just be a dream. This can’t be happening!” He was on top of me now. He grabbed my hand and made me touch his dick. Still afraid to speak. I muster up all I can,”Stop Daddy! Stop!” He ignores me, as if I didn’t say a word. He’s holding me by my ankles now, as he begins to perform oral sex on me. I can feel his whiskers roughly rubbing against my skin. I am squirming, trying to get free, and my legs begin to quiver. He scoffs and says, “Is that it? Is that all you’re going to do?” He stops and says, “Turn around!” and I say, “No!” He says,”Well, at least finish me off.” Then he proceeds to get up, providing me with a way out. I said to him, “Daddy, this is weird! I’m your daughter! You shouldn’t be doing this to your daughter!” With him no longer on the bed, I was able to get up and run out of there. I went to my room and shut the door. He came and opened the door and proceeded to say he was sorry. I didn’t say a word and shut the door in his face. I hurried into the bathroom, grabbed the cell and locked the door. I began to cry as I ran the bath water. I hopped in the tub and scrubbed myself down. While in the bathroom, I called my friend Jaden to tell her what had happened. I knew Jaden would understand. She had been through sexual abuse her whole life. It’s something you hear about, but think it could never happen to you. My mind was racing, my spirit was broken and my eyes were swollen from crying so much. At this time in my life, me and my Mom weren’t on good terms, but I knew I could count on her. I called her on the phone, and we made a plan. I would sneak out while he was sleeping. I had been there a summer before, so I had his ex girlfriend’s sister, Stephany’s address. Stephany’s daughter, Brooklyn and I were the same age, so we had exchanged addresses a summer before . I looked up the address in the phone book, dialed the closest number to that address, and got her neighbor. This was at 3:00 a.m., but her neighbor was very nice about the situation and told me how to get there. It was a mile and a half away and I didn’t have a car. As I was getting ready to leave, I thought about getting a kitchen knife and stabbing him in the chest while he was sleeping. Fear rushed over me, and I was unable to do such a thing. I was scared that he would wake up, turn the knife around on me and kill me. I called my Mom as I snuck out the door. I stayed on the phone with her until I saw a man outside watering his garden at 4:00 a.m. I asked him for a ride and he agreed. I was gripping the phone with one hand and gripping the door with the other. I was relieved when we arrived to Stephany’s house. I knocked on her door and stood there balling. She opened the door and looked at me with her eyes half open she said ,”Brooklyn?”. “No. It’s Jacky.”, I said. Then she let me in.

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